Motherhood is not for sissies...

School started last thursday and I'm feeling pretty good about the load i'm going to have this semester. It's not too heavy, or too light ( who wouldn't want that though), it's just right. Today was one of the hardest days for me because I had to drop jaelyn off at the sitters for the first time.

Jaelyn: My precious baby girl who was born at 6lbs 9 oz. My sweetpea who was born with a beatles hairstyle. My angel who's blue eyes are prettier than any sky. My princess who has both her parents wrapped around her perfectly chubby dimpled fingers. My baby who can melt my heart with just once sweet giggle or smile. She is my our everything.

It was hard leaving her to someone i barely knew. We aren't fortunate enough to live near family, so we chose to take a friends referral and our babylove will spend her mon/wed with Miss Barbara on University Drive.

When we handed her over to Miss Barbara, she had the most puzzled look on her sweet face. It was like " Mommy? Why are you handing me over to this stranger?" All that I could do was cry. I never understood what parents felt when they dropped their babies at daycare. I often wondered, because afterall it was never a "by the book" goodbye. No the kids did not kiss their mommas and papi's goodbye, set off to read the latest Thomas the train book, and engage in play with their teachers. It was the polar opposite of that. They kicked, screamed, cried, pinched you, pouted, and waited by the door with tears in their eyes. I always used to wonder why do parents stick around so long after they've dropped their kid off, it doesn't make it any easier for the kid when they can see their parents on the other side of the door NOT coming to their rescue. But today I got a taste of what that's like. I handed my baby girl off with tears in my eyes and could not build the courage to leave. She didn't cry, scream, or pinch anyone, but she did quiver that bottom lip and that was all it took for me to fall apart. I learned so much in that moment. I learned that Motherhood is not always easy. It's not like I just realized that today, but it was definitely bolded in my mind again.


After my first class I had some time to stop by the campus shop and pick up the last of my books. While I was there browsing through the books ( books are my weakness, i am a nerd but i'm ok with it lol) I saw a cute and short little table topper book called " Motherhood is not for Sissies." I The cover was a picture of a little baby's whole face eating mush, it was adorable. So i bought it.

It had a really great and simple quote. It was just what I needed to carry on today: "When all else fails, pray." Sometimes i get so caught up with looking for advice about how to get through this tough time, but i forget to just talk to God. I forget that he knows my heart and my worries too. He knows it all, beginning to end, and if only I would seek him first when I'm hurting, he could mend my hurting heart better than anyone else on this earth. I want to make this a priority in my life. I want my baby girl to see the love I have for Christ, because as a mother I owe this to her.