Motherhood is not for sissies...

School started last thursday and I'm feeling pretty good about the load i'm going to have this semester. It's not too heavy, or too light ( who wouldn't want that though), it's just right. Today was one of the hardest days for me because I had to drop jaelyn off at the sitters for the first time.

Jaelyn: My precious baby girl who was born at 6lbs 9 oz. My sweetpea who was born with a beatles hairstyle. My angel who's blue eyes are prettier than any sky. My princess who has both her parents wrapped around her perfectly chubby dimpled fingers. My baby who can melt my heart with just once sweet giggle or smile. She is my our everything.

It was hard leaving her to someone i barely knew. We aren't fortunate enough to live near family, so we chose to take a friends referral and our babylove will spend her mon/wed with Miss Barbara on University Drive.

When we handed her over to Miss Barbara, she had the most puzzled look on her sweet face. It was like " Mommy? Why are you handing me over to this stranger?" All that I could do was cry. I never understood what parents felt when they dropped their babies at daycare. I often wondered, because afterall it was never a "by the book" goodbye. No the kids did not kiss their mommas and papi's goodbye, set off to read the latest Thomas the train book, and engage in play with their teachers. It was the polar opposite of that. They kicked, screamed, cried, pinched you, pouted, and waited by the door with tears in their eyes. I always used to wonder why do parents stick around so long after they've dropped their kid off, it doesn't make it any easier for the kid when they can see their parents on the other side of the door NOT coming to their rescue. But today I got a taste of what that's like. I handed my baby girl off with tears in my eyes and could not build the courage to leave. She didn't cry, scream, or pinch anyone, but she did quiver that bottom lip and that was all it took for me to fall apart. I learned so much in that moment. I learned that Motherhood is not always easy. It's not like I just realized that today, but it was definitely bolded in my mind again.


After my first class I had some time to stop by the campus shop and pick up the last of my books. While I was there browsing through the books ( books are my weakness, i am a nerd but i'm ok with it lol) I saw a cute and short little table topper book called " Motherhood is not for Sissies." I The cover was a picture of a little baby's whole face eating mush, it was adorable. So i bought it.

It had a really great and simple quote. It was just what I needed to carry on today: "When all else fails, pray." Sometimes i get so caught up with looking for advice about how to get through this tough time, but i forget to just talk to God. I forget that he knows my heart and my worries too. He knows it all, beginning to end, and if only I would seek him first when I'm hurting, he could mend my hurting heart better than anyone else on this earth. I want to make this a priority in my life. I want my baby girl to see the love I have for Christ, because as a mother I owe this to her.

School is Back in session...well almost

It is finally the weekend *sighhhhhhh* It seems like it was just last weekend though, but hey, i'm NOT complaining. This week was not a bad one at all, it was slow paced, relaxing, and filled with or shall I say non-filled with good wholesome "Z's." But this week will be different, because I am going to attempt to "sleep train" Jaelyn( for the second time, the first time didn't work so well because we move shortly after and all that crap that goes with it, so don't judge me!)

My Husband and I are starting school next friday and I have to be honest, I'm not really looking forward to it for a pile of reasons. which can be viewed below...

- Having to leave my baby with someone else

- Homework again... yuck

- Classes, especially those 8 am ones... who's dumb idea was it to start the day so dang early???

- Having to add to our pyramid of loans, and let me tell you we are adding to the BIG ol' bottom

-Studying, what a bore... isn't it enough that I show up for classes?? meh

-and Having to leave my baby with someone else :(


For starters: I know I should really be happy that I will finally finish my schooling and join millions of Americans in paying most of my paycheck to Uncle Sam... forgive me if i am not. I wish I could just find a printing company to print me out a crisp diploma and a bank to cut me a check for a million dollars ( for loans,diapers, and all the other things in life like makeup...what? I like makeup...). What can I say, i'm definitely a dreamer. But it's time for me to put on my big girl panties and follow the oh so very catchy Nike motto and "Just Do It." I do realize that I am blessed to have had the opportunity to stay at home with my girl for the first 6 months. Some moms don't even get the first 6 weeks! I am blessed to have a supportive husband that gave me the choice to stay home or go back to school this year, but I know what I need to do. He is a good man.

Let me tell you a little more about my husband. We met in High School ( he was just another random white guy) in the middle of nowhere, aka. my boarding academy placed in the middle of the Corn Fields. Kinda wish I had never watched "The Children of the Corn" movie before I decided to enroll. Anyway, he wasn't a student there, but he would often come and visit his two best friends that were students. We were not attracted to each other, both were "in love" with other people ( ohhhhh high school), and probably only said hello once. I was a year ahead of him in school, ( He was homeschooled so he was a year behind since he decided to take a year off in high school, who does that ?? my hunny) so I went off to school in Collegedale, TN for my freshman year and didn't actually see him again until my sophomore year (his freshman year). It wasn't love at first sight, if anything it was the total opposite. I found his eye-winking, belly poking, big ol' grin SELF to be annoying. He was a flirt and the girls loved to flirt back. Except for me. It's a classic, girl hates boy, boy is never hated so wants to win girl, girl starts to fall for boy, boy and girl date, fall in love, get married, have a baby, and are still happy today. ( It's a much longer story, but i will save you from all that reading.)

What I meant to originally write, was about how lucky I am to have this hunk of man by my side for life. He is sweet, thoughtful, funny, fun( is it too weird to use those two similar words next to each other?? oh well) a wonderful daddy, and my best friend. He is always supportive and I love him for that, we are so different and so alike at the same time. He truly is my knight in shining armor.

Behind Baby Bars

It seems that Jaelyn ( my 5 month old baby girl) has realized how confined she is to her cribs during nap time and bedtime. SO she has decided to scream bloody murder a couple times a night ( and during nap time) because she has been getting her sweet chubster legs through the crib bars! It totally stinks, because we are STILL sleep training her and there are a thousand "rules" that we are breaking. So today when my hubby gets off work, we are going to Target to get some breathable bumpers. (Yay?) Don't know much about them, but i'm hoping they will solve the issue. Anyway, my husband and I are starting school next week... I can't believe it's gone by so fast!

I am excited to just finish up my degree and pay off those ridiculous student loans ( why didn't I go to a community college my first two years??). This year will be different, the majority of our regular group of friends have all filed out into the real world and joined the work force. Sure I am happy for them, but it just means my husband and I have only two really close friends left here. :( Needless to say it's going to be weird year.

On a different note, I have yet to finish unpacking and organizing my home. Am I a bad housewife? Is it so wrong that I'm drawn to watching Ugly Betty on Netflix after my angel goes to sleep? Eh, who cares! I will get it done before the weekend, hold me to it ladies! Can't have a chaotic home when school starts, because my life will already be chaotic!

Sounds like nap time is over, so I better get going. Until next time....

P.S. I LOVE baby wearing!

5 Followers! yay!

Once again major fail on my part to stay current with my blog. BUT... it HAS been a crazy few weeks. My two summer classes are over and I got some good observation hours in for my P.E. in Elementary school class... i think I will actually miss it!

Let's see.... I am very sleepy right now and I don't know why I am fighting sleep right now when I should be taking advantage of the fact that my baby has been sleeping for the last 6 hours... as in I should be snoozing too. So I just wanted to write to my 5 followers ( yay!) and let you guys know that I will be back! For now, I am out, cause this momma needs her ZzzZ's!

Danny's Song

It's been a really long time since i've blogged. I never really had any followers, but now i've got 2! So looks like i'm going to have to start blogging.

It's been a rough couple of days. Baby is teething, we're not sleeping, and my hubby keeps stealing the blankets at night.

Been reading a couple of blogs and forums on WTE.com about sleep training. Oh boy, we tried it out for our nap today. It wasn't planned at all, we went at it all willy nilly, not sure it that was truly wise, and ... it was horrible. My hubby always joked about how easy it would be for him to snooze through his princess' cries, well it wasn't. He was sweet enough to let me pop my headphones in and enter my Christmas wonderland while his ears filled up with heart gouging screams. When 5 minutes passed, we went in to check on her and he was the one having trouble leaving her again... oh hunny lol. he's a sweet daddy. I did hear a few shrieks in between songs, and i must admit i let out a few tears of my own, sometimes being a mommy is tough stuff.

Today was a gorgeous day for a wedding. It was sunny and not a cloud in the sky. It's not like i was able to hear the ceremony anyway since baby was fussy during the service. Lots of people cry at weddings, my girl is just getting an early start i suppose. Anyway i think Jaelyn was overstimulated because she was not a happy camper at bedtime. Even after i sang her mama's rendition of "danny's song," cuddled her, and attempted to feed her 2 times. Ohhh there she goes, time for the night feeding. I'll continue this tomorrow...

by the way 21 days til i'm back in TN!!!

Corrina Corrina

I meant to write earlier, but i lost track of time. Today was a good day, i made my mother in laws famous macaroni and cheese. This is by far the best I have ever had in my entire life! Before I married my husband, i used to drool over this meal at church potlucks on saturday afternoons. I honestly thought she would never let me in on her family recipe and that i would forever spend my days combining random spices and cheeses to get close to the amazing taste of hers. I was wrong of course, because she is as sweet as they come, she wrote it all down for me. :)

Some flour, milk, butter, cheese,noodles, and 2 hrs later... I succeeded at making the worlds most delicious mac&cheese. I even threw in some cut up ball park hot dogs. My husband loves meat, so i knew he would appreciate it. We finished watching "Resident Evil 4" during dinner. We had started watching it the night before ( and although i am pretty disgusted by the attacking flesh eating zombies, i was being a good sport since my husband had just watched "the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood" with me. Good man, i know.) When that was over, we had some ice cream for dessert and we watched one of my favorite movies.. Corrina Corrina. It is still one of my favorites til this day. :)

Random fact: I looked up the cast and found that the girl that plays Molly, is the same girl that plays Deb in Napoleon Dynamite! I thought that was pretty neat to know.

ANyway back to the fact that i STILL do not have a baby...

March 10 was her due date, but i am guessing she is loving her current residence. I hope she comes this weekend because my doctor is on call! I refuse to let the others schmuck deliver my baby!

Did I mention how incredibly wonderful my hubby is? He colored my hair today, gave me a few massages, and a pedicure. He is spoiling me rotten, so I plan on doing the same to him. Tomorrow I am going to make one of Bakerella's Cheesecakes. I made one 2 weeks ago and he loved it. I think he's ready for another one... and I'm sure I won't mind eating a piece... or two ;)

It's almost 4 am now, so i am going to try and sleep. Sweet Dreams! Hope the baby comes today!

Day Before the Big Day...

Today is Wednesday, the day that's supposed to be "the day before my due date." Unfortunately I am feeling pretty great today. I may sound like a masochist here, but when you're carrying around what seems to be the weight of the world on your bladder, you most definitely want to be in pain. Well, in labor pain, because that means soon enough your bladder will be relieved of that pressure and your baby is soon to arrive. I can only hope.

The doctor said i'm not dilated at all, just 50% effaced. I'm hoping I will be one of those who just dilates quickly. Who knows i may just have the " honey it's time" middle of the night water breaking experience. Highly doubtful though. Does that ever really happen? I have a friend who said her water broke when she was just sitting down watching tv, the day she was supposed to be induced. How lucky! She said the feeling was really cool, and kind of wished she could repeat it. LOL she is nuts!

I have been feeling some cramping today, so far it's not too bad. Probably because i'm not in real labor.

Anyway, i was supposed to be in class this morning ( today was field experience: we are pretty much submerged into a classroom and used as T.A.'s. Fine by me though, i get some experience and the kids are always so funny.) but when i was up all night with heartburn and my cramping began at around 3 am, i decided it would be best to stay home and rest. On top of that, my feet needed a break, have i mentioned they look like fat sausages? well they do, and it's not cute! So that is pretty much why i have stayed home today.

Anyway... again... because I am home this morning, i was able to spend some quality time with my television. Something that is nearly impossible for a full time student, so it was fun. I watched some Regis and Kelly ( so sad regis is leaving), The View, and The Doctors. An interesting story came up on the Doctors and I wanted to share it with you guys. Read on and tell me what you think!

Here is the Link :http://www.aolnews.com/2011/01/27/breast-feeding-canadian-moms-create-flash-mob-at-mall/

The countdown

I haven't blogged in a really long time. Just looking back at some old posts ( the 3 in total that I have posted) I am just shocked at how much has changed in my life! Even my interests have changed, but one thing remains: I am still head over heels for Aaron. Only difference now, is that he is my husband :) Like the good ol' Beach Boys song says:
"Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close, the whole night through"

And it sure is nice :) So here are some updates: I'm married, still a student, and the most exciting news of all... we're expecting our first baby! She is actually due on thursday, but i'm thinking that i must have the world's most comfortable uterus ever, because she is still not here. I know, i said she isn't due until thursday ( today is tuesday) so she can't possibly be late ...yet. We will see though. If she is anything like my husband ... and myself, heehe, she will probably be late. I've come to the conclusion that i'm ok with that, after all you cannot rush perfection ;)


My husband reassures me a lot these days because i've spent the past two weeks worried about having to have a c-section. He is a wonderful husband, and i am beyond lucky. He puts up with my craziness and has the patience of Job. For this, his crown in heaven will be heavy with jewels! bless his heart!

K, back to this whole c-section fiasco: First off, I don't understand women who actually schedule c-sections (i'm not talking about those who have to have one because of medical reasons). I am talking about those who just decide it's safer? less painful? like i said, i don't understand. It is full on surgery(enough to scare me) and the recovery ( i've heard) is not fun at all. So you can imagine my fear when my doctor mentioned that i may have a narrow pelvis and may require a c-section. Well actually I had no clue what it meant at first, in fact when he tried to explain it, i became more confused. All i heard was c-section and i felt my eyes begin to water. This was a lot of news for me to take in, because like i mentioned, i am still a full time student. My teachers have been really understanding and are helping me work through the semester. The plan was to take off 3 weeks when the baby was born, and then I would finish off the semester. The last part of the semester is all classroom experience, full immersion from 7:30-3:30 everyday. So i knew that if i had a c-section, i would not be able to return for the semester. That would be that all my semesters work would go to waste... this is still a fear of mine, but as of today I am more at ease.

We got another ultrasound today, it estimated the baby's weight: 6pds 8oz. Give or take a pound is what they say though. Either way she is not a 9 pd baby ( my pelvis would probably just break, idk). I know that even though my worries may seem small to some people who have been there and experienced a much crazier time, but they are still my worries. God is in control and i am happy to remember that even though he created the heavens and the earth, he still takes interest in my "small" worries. For that I am thankful.

Phew! I clearly had a lot to say, If you actually had the patience to read this, bless your heart! I am excited to be a newbie blogger. Thanks to my dear friend Wabster, I am going to take this time to blog and record the many soon to come adventures with my baby girl!

K, i'm hungry now... bye bye!
Countdown... 2 days.